Here’s the truth. I’m a good student and I do all my work on time. Just like any student though, I tend to procrastinate and leave things until the last minute. I then proceed to almost kill myself by trying to finish the assignment on time. This sort of routine was fine with me until now. Lately, I find myself more and more unmotivated to even start assignments. I feel like it doesn’t matter how much I work and complete assignments, there’s just more to be done. It’s never-ending and I don’t feel like I’ve had a lot of time for myself where I can just relax and do whatever I want.
My personal time is something of great importance to me but the immense workload teachers tend to give in high school has mostly always taken priority in my life. I’ll finish the essay, project, or whatever it is, and then I’ll rest. But the thing is, I haven’t rested in months and the whole process of doing work is getting monotonous and tiring so I’ve slacked off. BIG TIME.
I’m extremely behind so much work that I’ve surprised myself. I have never been so irresponsible but it seems like I just can’t help it. There’s a point where you start to wonder what’s the fucking point? I’ll finish this and then I’ll have to finish that and that and that and the list just goes on. I’m striving for good grades to get into a good college to graduate to get a good job to meet someone to marry them to have kids and finally, to be happy. This sort of mentality has recently been rejected simply because it’s just not the way life and happiness works. My brain and I (arguably different) know it but I can’t help but think of it as my goal. Maybe when I get accepted into a good college I’ll be happy. Maybe when I graduate I’ll be happy. Maybe when I get my dream job (if I ever figure what it is) I’ll be happy. But why can’t I be happy now? Why can’t I do the stuff I want to do now? Why do I always have to be worrying about the future?
These are the thoughts that have ran through my mind and have now got me unmotivated. That and of course, the perpetual laziness that seems to be embedded in my DNA. I don’t know if those are the reasons you’ve been procrastinating or feeling unmotivated or not but here’s the point.
My reasons don’t really matter on the broader spectrum of things. I obviously need to reevaluate myself and the things I do to get rid of these annoying thoughts or resolve them. Whatever the solution is, it doesn’t really matter in terms of my work. Unfortunately, just like Dan Howell said in his “The Art of Procrastination” video which I highly recommend, the world goes on (I’m not sure if I quoted this right but that’s kind of the gist). While I’m suffering my existential crisis which hits me every few months (although it’s been decreasing), the world goes on because it doesn’t give a shit. It probably doesn’t give a shit about your reasons either even if they’re valid. I’m stressed and depressed because my workload never seems to end but it really won’t ever end if I keep procrastinating. The world will go on and teachers will assign more work and the pile will just grow.
So get your shit done.
I know I have to. I know it’ll be incredibly hard. But I have to force myself. After I finish this post, I’ll start my work right away and force myself to finish it. I have put off doing so much that I now have seven essays, five assignments along with small assignments teachers give everyday due this week. I have actually already missed the deadline of a few of them and because I now have to complete them, I won’t be able to study for all of my five upcoming tests. Oh, and my AP Language and Composition exam and Science Fair project are going to be in about two weeks.
This is exactly what I meant when I said the world goes on. Things would have been much easier if I had just done my work on time. But it’s fine, sometimes you have to learn the hard way. I’ll get my shit done and I’ll somehow manage. And you will too so if you find yourself in the same situation as me (I don’t blame you) or perhaps feeling unmotivated, I hope this post helped you to get your shit done.
So good luck to both of us and may the odds, force, and all things powerful on earth be with us because I don’t know about you, but I’ll need it.